How to Wow in 7 Seconds Flat

We’ve been told not to judge a book by its cover, but it seems we just can’t help ourselves. In fact, we’re wired to do just that. 

Can’t we all admit to having a bad first impression from someone - that stuck? That means it’s probably happened to us, too!

It could have been at a cocktail party or a job interview.

A New York University study found that we sift through available information within just seconds of meeting someone and make an on-the-spot evaluation of a mind-boggling range of really important things like their trustworthiness, ability, values and credibility. 

For good or bad, changing that first impression takes time and effort. Time and effort that many of us, especially potential employers, aren’t typically willing to invest.  

So, how to make a great first impression? 

Maybe we should start with how not to…

How many of us can point to examples of  job interviews that went wrong?

We probably can picture the person who shows up so over-confident that the interviewer can’t wait to close the door behind him. Or when the image of a pulled-together candidate crumbles when she walks through the door five minutes late and flustered. 

The jobs likely went to someone whose appearance and performance actually matched the impression that their CV or phone conversations made before the face to face interview - prepared and professional.

Much as you might not like it, grooming standards are top of the list when it comes to hitting your mark in that first 7 seconds.

We recently worked with a high-level executive who kept shoe polish in his office for his less-detail-oriented team members - to make sure they came across as "polished" in their pitches.

But it isn’t just how you dress. What other non-verbal cues can work for or against you? 

Picture a warm smile, a friendly open demeanour, a good handshake, steady eye contact, strong posture, and body language… 

These non-verbal behaviours aren’t just visual - they tap into our value systems and lead us to form judgments on both a conscious and unconscious level.

And by the way, when someone makes a snap judgement of you, it often shows. Have you ever picked up on unimpressed glances from a cocktail party acquaintance to an interviewer and known you’d already been crossed off the list before you could even open your mouth?

When that happens, your self-confidence can disintegrate fast.

Another little nugget you might not have considered: the power of the non-verbal cues works both ways - impacting how others see you as well as your own sense of self-assurance. No one explains this better than Amy Cuddy, in her Power Pose TED talk and her research into the importance of posture to self-esteem and feelings of power. 

Not yet convinced of the pay off? Well, consider this: being aware how non-verbal cues literally trigger responses in our brain can even give you a measurable financial advantage in your quest for success. 

A study done in 2000, by Robert Baron and Gideon Markman, “Beyond Social Capital: how social skills can enhance entrepreneurs success” suggests that the nature of an entrepreneur’s face-to-face interaction strongly influences her success. Study results showed that the way entrepreneurs were able to read others, make favourable first impressions and adapt to a wide range of social situations influenced their access to what many would say is ambrosia for business: venture capital.

So, rather than fight human nature, as we often say at Personal Branz, use your understanding of it instead - to put you one step ahead. Decide how you want to be perceived and take the step to makes sure you radiate this in every interpersonal connection.

Mind the Confidence Gap

Can you remember a time in your life when you felt totally insecure? How exactly? Did you break into a cold sweat, or feel hot and uncomfortable, or even had the sensation that the ground beneath you might just crumble ?

Or maybe it's something you felt a little more deeply - at an emotional level - like you had no life compass or low self worth?

This can happen if you’re up for a job promotion, meeting new friends, standing in front of an audience or every day around the meeting table at work. And the effect can be crippling. 

Doubting our abilities can stop us in our tracks. We can all probably pinpoint a time when we've given up on something, out of fear - before we’ve even had a go.

While this can happen to men and women, a recent publication by co-authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, “The Confidence Gap: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know” shows the bulk of research confirms confidence struggles are far more prevalent and debilitating for women, especially when it comes to their careers.

A chronic lack of confidence among women leads them continually to underestimate their abilities, fail to put themselves forward for promotion, and predict they won’t perform well when faced with challenges - far more so than their male counterparts.

In a recent article in The Atlantic and in an interview with Kim Hill on Radio New Zealand National, Shipman notes women are not good at assessing their self-ability, most often underestimating their competency.

It is a basic problem, says Shipman, but with profound consequences.

In one example, a study by Hewlett-Packard found women only considered going for that promotion when they were 100% confident they fulfilled all job requirements. Men were happy to apply with only 60% of the requirements fulfilled.

Even the expected income of graduate students differed, with women expecting on average 20% less pay than their male counterparts. A 2003 study by psychologists Dunning and Ehrlinger concluded men overestimate their abilities and performance, while women underestimate both.

Why is this important?

Kay and Shipman argue it's critical because confidence translates into action.

Cameron Anderson, a psychologist in the business school at the University of California, studies overconfidence. His conclusion? Confidence “matters just as much as competence”.

“When people are confident, when they think they are good at something, regardless of how good they actually are, they display a lot of confident verbal and non-verbal behavior,” he says in The Atlantic.

Another critical piece of research: tests performed by Milan research psychologist, Zachary Estes, show women performed more poorly than men during the study mainly because they didn’t even attempt many questions. When Estes made it compulsory to complete every question, the performance was actually equal.

“What held them [women] back in this study, “ says Kay and Shipman. “was the choice they made not to try.”

So where does lack of confidence, even among high achieving women, start? And can it be stopped?

Studies outlining both nature and nurture highlight the breadth of theories which may explain this mindset among women.

From science to schooling to perfectionism.

Science actually shows a genetic component that regulates the chemicals and hormones in your body, contributing to confidence or a lack thereof. Neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine can make or break your chance of feeling confident. While those can vary in men and women alike, there’s no arguing testosterone leads to greater risk-taking - a critical component of confidence. There’s even a “worrywart” centre that’s been identified in women’s brains. Yes - now you can blame science for that habit!

Schooling is another area in that impacts confidence in and it can be traced to the differences between how girls and boys learn. Girls excel at school - they are rewarded for typically being good, working hard, and fulfilling the requirements of testing. In other words, being perfect.

Studies show boys, on the other hand, were more prone to criticism from teachers and friends, which actually had a positive effect: it helped build resilience. Boys also played more sport, learning to enjoy winning and how to bounce back from failure.  In general, researchers have found that boys tend to explain poor results by externalizing - “it was a tough test”, as opposed to the internalizing that girls do, thinking, “I didn’t work hard enough”.

Women also seem prone to perfectionism. And this is critical...

Perfectionism can be positive: think high standards, pursuing excellence, and working hard to achieve these.

But striving to be perfect also has a dark side: it makes us risk averse. Perfectionism does not allow us to embrace life’s inevitable failures as important learning and growth experiences. Instead, through our picture-perfect lens, we see failure only as something awful that crushes our self-worth.

Oh...and it is insatiable. How many times have you achieved something only to brush it aside, saying, “Ah yes, but it was only ….”?

Are you sick of it yet? Want to be a little stronger, braver, willing to try - without being 100% confident of winning or losing?

Kay and Shipman and a host of other experts point to a few steps.

50,000 people have taken their Confidence Quiz since it launched online. It’s quick and helps with the ongoing research. The quiz ranks your level of confidence and then offers suggestions and solutions for whatever is stopping you from being your most confident.

And by the way, that is why we are in business. Personal Branz exists help people become aware of their unique combination of strengths and passions passions, and align them with their training, skills and goals - providing what we call a “source of strength”. 

A Personal Brand can bridge the Confidence Gap and ground you when your sense of self worth is badly shaken.  

Working with our clients, we see confidence revived and revealed as they work their way through the Personal Brand process. For some it’s provided a foundation to build their future - for the first time ever. For others, it’s provided the foundation for rebuilding, and resilience, after going through a life-changing experience like restructuring.

For everyone, the first step is awareness. The next step? Action.

You can change the way you think. And then you can change the way you act. And then you can change your life. Cultivate confidence and create your future - it’s your choice.

Resiliency

We’ve come up with something new at Personal Branz - something fun, functional and (if you stretch the point) even fashionable. It's a Personal Branz band, which we're now calling our "Resiliency Rater". 

Okay, so it’s a fancy name for a simple rubber band. But it's one that you can not only use at your desk, but also wear like a bracelet! So we think making it sound a bit "fancy" is entirely apropos.

We are using our new bands in a talk we've just put together on Resiliency, which is generally defined as the ability to bounce back. Rubber bands just seemed like a natural teaching tool, which is what prompted us to design our own. Then we needed to find someone to manufacture them.

We ordered our Personal Branz bands from a manufacturer, based right here in Wellington...and we ended up getting a lesson on resiliency in the process!

The owner of the business is Brian Waugh. His company, Waugh Rubber Bands, is based in a warehouse in Tawa. It turns out both his product and his story are the embodiment of bouncing back.

Brian told us he didn’t set out to make his living manufacturing rubber bands, but jam jar covers - back when there were hundreds of thousands of people making their own preserves. But when grocery stores started popping up all over the country, making jams at home became a hobby, not a necessity. 

The jam jar cover business spiralled downward.

Instead of falling into a similar tailspin, Brian recognised he had a choice and found a way to adapt. Part of his jam jar cover business was cutting his own rubber bands. Brian did some research and discovered a shortage of rubber band suppliers in New Zealand. So he went into business cutting and supplying rubber bands and has never looked back. 

This is Brian:

And these are the Personal Branz Banz he made for us!

Right now Brian proudly tells us he is the only rubber band manufacturer in Australasia!

Faced with what could have been bankruptcy - or at least being forced to start from scratch - Brian reframed a setback and saw an opportunity. With a positive attitude and a realistic assessment of his options, he created his own success.

Resilience. The ability to bounce back. As one American politician, Alan K Simpson put it, "He is a million rubber bands in his resilience." We think that about says it...

Finding the right words - by Maaike

I am a performer, a director, and a coach but I am not a writer; words don't come naturally to me. Instead, when somebody is asking me to describe in a few words who I am, my first reaction is to freeze. All of a sudden, my brain can seem like a desert with no thoughts or ideas. Not a nice thing in a world in which we rely on words -  even more so in the online world.

In the Personal Brand Process, a lot of emphasis (rightfully so) is put on your online presence and content creation on Facebook, Linkedin, Twitter, blogs, websites - all written words. Fortunately, if you search the web, there are tips and tricks that can help you with writing your bio for Linkedin or a short message (140 character limit) for Twitter. Still, I find it a challenge to stay close to the source of what I want to express - my passion.  

But ask me to express what I want to say with an image, and my thoughts start flowing immediately. Millions of images come up and then words follow quickly.

I was reading an article in Forbes by Glenn Llopis (3 ways to most effectively communicate your personal brand), in which he talks about the necessity of simplifying what you want to say, efficiently messaging, and keeping your thoughts and words crystal clear in every word and sentence. He also mentions that you should be able to translate every written message into an image or photo.

This got me thinking. It was written for people like me! We need to start by envisaging an image and by describing this image, then we can create our written content.

It is the same with presentation skills. A very effective tool for people who tend to freeze up and lose their spontaneity in a presentation - be it one on one or in front of a bigger audience -  is to ask them to present themselves by showing an object that in their opinion represents who they are.

Let me explain: In a workshop that I gave in the Netherlands, I worked with a somewhat shy woman who wanted to learn to be more expressive and influential in the presentations she had to give at work. She had trouble expressing herself, couldn't find the right words when put on the spot and would mumble her way through a presentation.

When I asked her to present herself by showing an object that represents her, she brought a running shoe. When she started to speak, we were all entranced. She described how on the outside she might not look very exciting or special, but if you would look closer, you would see that it was a shoe that gave good support and was designed to walk or run long distances. She explained that she loved being there for others, supporting them in their development and how she was a hard worker, not resting until the job was done. The velcro, she explained, stood for efficiency, something that she craves in her personal and professional life. She started to describe herself through that shoe and we understood. She wasn't struggling to find the right words anymore. Instead, she spoke much more clearly, with expression and simplicity and gave a very well organised speech on who she was. Her  “freeze” was unlocked because we found the key to unlock her words.

And this is why I love our Personal Branz logo so much, it is an image that represents what we stand for. We work from the inside out - from your source, your everlasting and energising strengths. And once you have defined those strengths, they will permeate everything that you do and will leave a lasting effect on the world around you. They will lead you in the direction you really want to go.

We don't just paint a nice varnish on to make you look better.  We help you uncover your best self and help you to make this your strongest point - the foundation from which you operate in your personal and your professional life. When connected to your source, you will be able to deal better with the everyday challenges and obstacles.

So the next time you have to prepare for a presentation, meeting or job interview or have to write your bio or a blog, find an image that represents what you want to bring across and you’ll soon find your words start to flow…. It really helps!

A former opera singer meets a former newscaster...and our story begins!

Following our hearts, and not conventional wisdom, Maaike (the opera singer) and I (the television journalist) both found ourselves living in New Zealand: it was our partner’s job opportunities that led us here!  New Zealand is home for her husband, who’s a Kiwi, and a new horizon for mine, an American. He, like me, couldn't resist an overseas adventure - for ourselves and our teenaged sons.

In my teens, my parents moved to the Middle East and I ended up living in England.  As it happens, Maaike’s family, too, had traveled the world - even living in the same city as mine - Riyadh, Saudi Arabia.  Because of our parent’s peripatetic backgrounds, we both look at life as more an adventure to experience rather than a proscribed set of rules to follow and boxes to tick.

This philosophy’s given us the freedom to create and re-create our lives, and to a certain extent, ourselves.  However, we’ve also learned that no matter what changes on the outside, you remain you - with your strengths and weaknesses.  What lies at your core, layered with what you’ve learned and experienced, is what makes you human and unique.

I met Maaike when I joined the local choir she was directing. A community choir, for fun only, no auditions required.  That was a relief, as I hadn’t really sung in a decade!  Though I knew she was a trained opera singer, I quickly learned how much more there is to Maaike.  She just radiated at the front of the room, guiding us with intelligence, enthusiasm, charisma, talent, empathy... The list of adjectives could ramble on, but I’ll stop there.  She is magnetic.

When she and I started talking, she learned about my background in television journalism.  I’ve done every on and off-camera job except shoot my own video.  Equally comfortable stomping around rural areas as covering inner-city crime, I learned I could communicate with farmers as well as politicians, and coax ordinary people to open up and feel comfortable telling their extraordinary stories.  I discovered how much I loved working so closely with people - far more than any thrill I ever got from appearing on tv.

Maaike and I soon realised that we shared complementary personalities.  We’ve both led independent lives and become comfortable working in professions that examined us as if we were under a microscope.  We are working mothers who have learned how best to try and achieve balance.  Focused but relaxed, we enjoy working at my kitchen table, taking breaks to walk our dogs through the Botanic Garden.

Our decision to co-found Personal Branz developed organically.  Once Maaike suggested we explore working together, one thing after another just fell into place.  Beyond our professional experience we discovered that courses we’d taken, information we’d collected, our own life lessons all slotted neatly into a category called “personal branding”.  Once we started sharing our vision, a business mentor volunteered to help us, and a graphic artist friend offered her services.  Our company started taking shape as if it had a life force of its own.

We both believe in walking through doors that open...”following the signs”, I like to say, along the way. We are on the first leg of what we hope is a long and adventurous  journey, and we look forward to sharing what we’re doing along the way.