Can you remember a time in your life when you felt totally insecure? How exactly? Did you break into a cold sweat, or feel hot and uncomfortable, or even had the sensation that the ground beneath you might just crumble ?
Or maybe it's something you felt a little more deeply - at an emotional level - like you had no life compass or low self worth?
This can happen if you’re up for a job promotion, meeting new friends, standing in front of an audience or every day around the meeting table at work. And the effect can be crippling.
Doubting our abilities can stop us in our tracks. We can all probably pinpoint a time when we've given up on something, out of fear - before we’ve even had a go.
While this can happen to men and women, a recent publication by co-authors Katty Kay and Claire Shipman, “The Confidence Gap: The Science and Art of Self-Assurance – What Women Should Know” shows the bulk of research confirms confidence struggles are far more prevalent and debilitating for women, especially when it comes to their careers.
A chronic lack of confidence among women leads them continually to underestimate their abilities, fail to put themselves forward for promotion, and predict they won’t perform well when faced with challenges - far more so than their male counterparts.
In a recent article in The Atlantic and in an interview with Kim Hill on Radio New Zealand National, Shipman notes women are not good at assessing their self-ability, most often underestimating their competency.
It is a basic problem, says Shipman, but with profound consequences.
In one example, a study by Hewlett-Packard found women only considered going for that promotion when they were 100% confident they fulfilled all job requirements. Men were happy to apply with only 60% of the requirements fulfilled.
Even the expected income of graduate students differed, with women expecting on average 20% less pay than their male counterparts. A 2003 study by psychologists Dunning and Ehrlinger concluded men overestimate their abilities and performance, while women underestimate both.
Why is this important?
Kay and Shipman argue it's critical because confidence translates into action.
Cameron Anderson, a psychologist in the business school at the University of California, studies overconfidence. His conclusion? Confidence “matters just as much as competence”.
“When people are confident, when they think they are good at something, regardless of how good they actually are, they display a lot of confident verbal and non-verbal behavior,” he says in The Atlantic.
Another critical piece of research: tests performed by Milan research psychologist, Zachary Estes, show women performed more poorly than men during the study mainly because they didn’t even attempt many questions. When Estes made it compulsory to complete every question, the performance was actually equal.
“What held them [women] back in this study, “ says Kay and Shipman. “was the choice they made not to try.”
So where does lack of confidence, even among high achieving women, start? And can it be stopped?
Studies outlining both nature and nurture highlight the breadth of theories which may explain this mindset among women.
From science to schooling to perfectionism.
Science actually shows a genetic component that regulates the chemicals and hormones in your body, contributing to confidence or a lack thereof. Neurotransmitters like serotonin and dopamine can make or break your chance of feeling confident. While those can vary in men and women alike, there’s no arguing testosterone leads to greater risk-taking - a critical component of confidence. There’s even a “worrywart” centre that’s been identified in women’s brains. Yes - now you can blame science for that habit!
Schooling is another area in that impacts confidence in and it can be traced to the differences between how girls and boys learn. Girls excel at school - they are rewarded for typically being good, working hard, and fulfilling the requirements of testing. In other words, being perfect.
Studies show boys, on the other hand, were more prone to criticism from teachers and friends, which actually had a positive effect: it helped build resilience. Boys also played more sport, learning to enjoy winning and how to bounce back from failure. In general, researchers have found that boys tend to explain poor results by externalizing - “it was a tough test”, as opposed to the internalizing that girls do, thinking, “I didn’t work hard enough”.
Women also seem prone to perfectionism. And this is critical...
Perfectionism can be positive: think high standards, pursuing excellence, and working hard to achieve these.
But striving to be perfect also has a dark side: it makes us risk averse. Perfectionism does not allow us to embrace life’s inevitable failures as important learning and growth experiences. Instead, through our picture-perfect lens, we see failure only as something awful that crushes our self-worth.
Oh...and it is insatiable. How many times have you achieved something only to brush it aside, saying, “Ah yes, but it was only ….”?
Are you sick of it yet? Want to be a little stronger, braver, willing to try - without being 100% confident of winning or losing?
Kay and Shipman and a host of other experts point to a few steps.
50,000 people have taken their Confidence Quiz since it launched online. It’s quick and helps with the ongoing research. The quiz ranks your level of confidence and then offers suggestions and solutions for whatever is stopping you from being your most confident.
And by the way, that is why we are in business. Personal Branz exists help people become aware of their unique combination of strengths and passions passions, and align them with their training, skills and goals - providing what we call a “source of strength”.
A Personal Brand can bridge the Confidence Gap and ground you when your sense of self worth is badly shaken.
A Personal Brand can bridge the Confidence Gap and ground you when your sense of self worth is badly shaken.
For everyone, the first step is awareness. The next step? Action.
You can change the way you think. And then you can change the way you act. And then you can change your life. Cultivate confidence and create your future - it’s your choice.
