You're Never Fully Dressed Without a Smile

If you know the musical Annie, you probably know the song: "You're never fully dressed without a smile" and corny as it may sound, it is so true!

Why? We build rapport with one another through our smiles.

In that first seven seconds, when we create a first impression, a smile expresses that we are willing to engage, and that we like the other person. When we acknowledge another person with a smile, it draws the other person immediately to us - sometimes stirring feelings of sympathy. There is even proof that when we contract the muscles we use for smiling (by for instance, holding a pen between our teeth), we can create a positive feedback loop in our brain that reinforces our feelings of joy.

So let's zoom in on the smile a little bit more and how you can use your smile to create a bigger impact in those first seven seconds, with the following 3 tips:

1) The Duchenne Smile - the smile that reaches your eyes

You may have heard of the Duchenne smile; named after a French Neurologist who wanted to map out all the muscles used in facial expressions. He went about it in a rather disturbing way: triggering muscular contractions with electrical probes on his patients and recorded their reactions on camera. But one of the things that he found was that a real smile was not just done by pulling the corners of your mouth up. A real smile engages the muscles around your mouth and your eyes. 

So those little crowsfeet - the lines around your eyes - are a good sign!! 

I would like to take it one step further; your smile not only should engage the muscles around your eyes, the smile should be reflected by your eyes - in a twinkle, you might say. What’s the effect of a smile like that? The other person will (subconsciously) feel that your smile is genuine.

They’ll also spot it when it’s not. 

To prove this, you can do the following test: copy the facial expression of the two smiles on this picture and you will 'feel' which one is real.

 

2) Delay your Smile Slightly - make it genuine

We all know that moment when we were children and our parents told us, “Now go around the room, shake everybody's hand, introduce yourself and DON'T FORGET TO SMILE!!!”

You went around the room with a smile pasted on your face that didn't change while going from person to person. 

Until you would meet someone you truly liked. That’s when that smile really came alive.

We tend to slap on a generic smile the moment we walk into the room. People can often see right through that - or at least get the “vibe” that something’s not real. So, here’s a little tip that will up that rapport-building instantly: walk into the room with just a pleasant expression on your face. The moment that you are introduced to the other person, then allow a smile to flood your face as if your smile is a reaction to this person’s presence and personality. It’s just mirroring what happens naturally when you already know and are pleased to see a friendly face.

3) Smile at the Appropriate Moment!

A smile is associated with positivity, friendliness and approachability. But when you smile while you are criticising somebody or addressing a serious topic, you can come across as arrogant, dismissive or condescending. Sometimes we want to add a bit of a smile to 'soften the blow', or to apologise for the fact that you are the messenger. Still, it can be misinterpreted, so make sure that your facial expressions match your message.

So can you train your smile? I would like to say, yes! But before I give you some tips on how to do this, it is good to know that the frequency of smiling also depends on your sex and your cultural background. For instance, women smile more than men, probably because it is more acceptable for women to smile than for men to do this. And Americans tend to smile much more quickly and more frequently than, for example, Russians do - just think of the difference of Vladimir Putin and Barack Obama in pictures.

As the holiday season approaches, it’s a perfect time to practice dressing yourself from ear to ear and wear a genuine smile that lights up your face and lifts others’ spirits.

So, the next time you prepare for a party, practice your smile in a mirror before you leave. Try to get your eyes to start twinkling first. That automatically engages the muscles around your eyes and then your lips will form a smile almost automatically.

And once you’re at the party, when you approach somebody, imagine you are meeting your long lost friend, that you have been so much looking forward to re connecting with saying: "Finally we meet again! I've missed you!" This image and the feeling that comes with it will automatically help your smile to come alive and look genuine.

Trust me, it works. And what better way to spread joy and cheer at this time of year!